What's so funny about sex anyway?

The cover picture highlights one of the admittedly (!) funniest scenes from Monty Python's cinematic classic Life of Brian. Sexual innuendo always works! We all know the scenes from real life: at work, when going out, or in a chat group, an suggestive word is dropped. Suddenly, the adult world seemingly collapses. Wringing hands, giggling, trying to hide the blush behind a raised hand – "He he he, ha ha ha!"

Although we can discuss highly complex topics maturely in almost all areas of life, conversations about sexuality regularly devolve into childish playground banter. Why is that? Why can we so rarely treat this topic maturely in social discussions?

The answer is complex. The seemingly harmless giggling is not a sign of immaturity at all, but a highly functional psychological defense mechanism. Because when sexuality is discussed, two of the most powerful forces collide: social taboo and the desire for relaxation. And this is expressed in a thousand ways in our cities, for example, like this...

Psychic Safety Valve: Freud and "Saved Energy"

Perhaps the most elegant explanation comes from Sigmund Freud. He generally saw wit as a kind of "most social of all mental achievements aimed at pleasure." Freud assumed that we have to expend a lot of psychic energy to keep our sexual urges, inhibitions, and the associated societal norms in check.

A more or less successful joke about sex offers us a brief, relaxing kick. It bypasses the barriers of the superego (Freud), dissolves the taboo for a moment, and suddenly discharges the pent-up tension that we would normally have to use for suppression. Wow! And this released, "saved energy" manifests itself in silly laughter.

The nervous giggle is therefore often nothing more than the audible manifestation of psychological relief, the moment when the pressure escapes from the boiler. We laugh not only because the joke is funny, but because it allows us to be uninhibited for a tiny moment, to endure the unspeakable in a socially acceptable way. It's a tragicomic play, strictly speaking. Comedians like Markus Krebs, for example, are psycho-hygienists with their crude humor, because they take the internal confession off our hands...

Shield Against Shame and Fear

In addition to taboo, another existential feeling plays the main role: shame is the guardian of social norms. It always presupposes the gaze of another and signals the fear of exposure or condemnation, or both. Since sexuality is still heavily regulated and often sanctioned in our society (religion), shame is particularly effective here.

A mature conversation about sex would require us to acknowledge and endure our own insecurities, perhaps our own lack of personality, or the fear of embarrassment. Laughter is the easiest way to avoid exactly that. When we crack crude, quick jokes, we infantilize the topic. We immediately declare it not serious, thereby reducing the risk of making ourselves vulnerable through an open or profound statement. Laughter in this moment is a strategic regression ("adolescent level"), a defense mechanism that conceals one's own embarrassment before someone else notices it in the end.

Who is in and who is out?

Things get more complicated when jokes come at the expense of third parties – such as minorities, people with specific inclinations, gender or non-gender identities. Here, humor shifts from relief to perceived superiority. Laughter in a group serves to solidify hierarchies. By ridiculing an out-group through a joke, the laughing in-group strengthens its own sense of - their - "normality".

Shared laughter becomes a bond that holds together those who can laugh along, and a barricade for everyone outside. Let's be honest - everyone participates at some point! The kinky person makes jokes about the vanilla people, who in turn joke about the perverts. The playful, childish aspect is always the insidious vehicle: it allows aggression or prejudice to be expressed under the guise of fun. No one can then seriously criticize, because it was "just a joke" – which actively undermines the speaker's ethical responsibility and normalizes prejudices.

At that point, everyone can examine themselves. Yes, I too have often used the "it's just satire" ticket. Pretty stupid, because we're all in the same glass house. The key to reflection lies in distinguishing between humor that connects and humor that divides. And sometimes well-intentioned humor is unintentionally funny, hurtful, or discriminatory...

Ultimately, the immature reaction to sexuality in public is a reflection of how much pressure, fear, and social norms weigh on this topic. We giggle childishly because it simply spares us, for the moment, from having to deal like adults with the deep insecurity, shame, and taboos that accompany all of us – or at least most of us – in this deeply human area.

Let's admit that - at least to ourselves!

Precisely because sex is so central to our lives, beyond giggling, hearty humor DURING sex remains so important because it loosens things up and can be a sign of genuine fun! As the saying goes, "If you don't laugh at least once during sex, you're having sex with the wrong person."

Kinky regards!

Thymos Emm

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(* "We don't try to shock anyone – that only creates distance. We want intimacy." Journalist, author 'The Dominus Effect', kinkster, scene-goer. Committed to the kinky world of Munich and beyond. Loving sadist: 'Come on, give me a smile!')